I interviewed a mom I know, who had some fantastic advice. I felt she had words of wisdom that all mothers needed to hear. The next time I met her, I sat her down and asked her to share her thoughts on what she has learned from her experience as a busy mom.
Age: mid 30’s
City: San Francisco
Ages: 10, 7 and 4
How were you as a mommy a few years ago?
I had to be in control of everything because I was afraid that if things were out of my control, it would not be manageable for me. I ended up doing everything myself and had high ideals and rigid rules. I forgot about myself as a person, and I was only a wife and a mother. This made me lose who I was. I found it hard to relax and rest because of the kids. I was very dependent on my spouse emotionally as well as relying on him for things that needed to be done. I felt it was his job to make me happy and on weekends I use to feel pressured to always do things as a family.
How are you as a mommy now?
I have learned to be more independent emotionally, by realizing that I am in control of my happiness. I have become more forgiving and non-judgemental, maybe because of the wisdom that comes with age and realizing my own mortality. I realize that weekends and ‘family time’ do not have to include all of us together only, it can mean time that the kids spend with their dad on their own, which also frees up time for me to do what I need to do. I started to make time for things I enjoyed and realized my interests & hobbies. I learnt to release some of the control to my husband, especially concerning the kids and did not worry how he dealt with them when they were in his care. I took up kickboxing as a way to feel empowered and gain some confidence in myself.
What advice can you give to other moms?
- Get advice by reading – I use to read up on solutions to my problems, but what I read did not stick at first, but over the years what I read came back to my mind.
- Find a hobby – If you are at home a lot, try to do something outside, like taking up an exercise class or something recreational.
- Take a break from the kids – Leave the kids sometimes with their dad or if that is not an option, a family member or trustworthy babysitter.
- Have girlfriends – You should have friends to talk to. I noticed between 25-35 years of age, I had neglected having friends and that was missing.
- Importance of prayer – I learned the importance of intention and feeling close to God in my heart.
What are your final words of wisdom?
You don’t have to be a mother that is there for every small, little thing that your child needs in their lives when they are young. You can delegate some of the responsibility to someone else and realize that there will be many times in the future that your kids will still need you to be a mom for them, Inshallah. Your role may be even more important when they are older as they will always need you for something in their lives, so don’t feel guilty if you can’t do it all now.
Thank you for sharing those words of wisdom with us Mommy N. May Allah make this road of motherhood easy and blessed for us all, ameen.
Thank you, it was my pleasure!