To have a decent marriage takes work. It isn’t the Disney Fairy Tale we grew up watching which caused our delusions of “forever-after” love to formulate. When you witness a successful marriage, you shouldn’t think it’s because the couple is “lucky” or the husband must be “awesome”. Realize that both or even one spouse is working hard and putting in the extra time to make the marriage a success.
A successful marriage doesn’t happen automatically either. It happens when you accept your spouse completely for who he is and allow him to be himself. Couples consist of two unique individuals with contrasting approaches and different points of view. If you do not embrace these differences in one another, it will cause a rift in your relationship and make you feel like you’re not on the same page.
When you show acceptance of your spouse with “warts and all” you are opening the door of love and mercy and showing him that you love him unconditionally. The same applies to allowing your spouse to feel free to be the person he is. You’re expressing approval and showing him that you respect him as an individual and an adult.
How Can I Improve as a Spouse?
1. Communicate with Tolerance
Take into account if you or your spouse may be feeling busy, tired, or out of sorts when communicating. These instances can make a person sound more insensitive than usual. By understanding that both of you have different styles of communication and speak contrasting love languages, can lessen the irritation and frustration that occurs when trying to talk and get your point across.
2. Recognize Your Impatience
It’s so important to halt petty frustrations that cause you to lose your patience and have an outburst. Keep your focus on the bigger picture. Sometimes you may keep things inside from the past which cause a buildup, and your small irritation becomes a big one. Learn to recognize when you’re beginning to feel impatient, think first about the topic’s importance, then make dua for patience and wisdom. Walk away to calm down if needed, because your words cannot be retracted.
3. Lose the Control
This is a major one! At the end of the day, your impatience boils down to not feeling in control. Our fears stem from the unknown and when we lack control of a situation. With this knowledge, if you take a step back and reflect on the moment, you can remind yourself that it’s okay if your marriage is not going according to your notion. Plans often go awry, and you are not in control, only Allah SWT has complete control of all things. Accepting that and letting go will develop greater patience and cause less marital arguments.
I leave you with the wise words of Prophet PBUH, who said,
“Riches does not mean, having a great amount of property, but riches is self-contentment.”