Momisms – The Secret Language of Moms

Momisms

Have you ever noticed how moms say things to their kids but mean something else? What comes out of our mouths are not always what we’re thinking. We speak a language of motherhood, which is an evasive array of obscure and passive aggressive remarks. Here are some of the most common “momisms” that I’ve decoded for your enjoyment. So go ahead and laugh at yourself!

1. When a mom says – “Don’t worry about it!”

She really means – “I’ll do it for you as usual. I’m just the maid. I wish you’d pick up your own stuff lazy bones!”

2. When a mom says – “Nevermind!”

She really means – “It DOES matter and you better do it or you’re going to regret it!”

3. When a mom says – “I never spoke to my parents like that!”

She really means – “Oh no I bothered my parents and now I’m paying for it!”

 4. When a mom says – “I’m counting to three!”

She really means – “Please do it by three, or I’m going to have to count higher and then you won’t take me seriously next time!”

5. When a mom says – “Go to your room!”

She really means – “I don’t know what to do with you right now, but I have to punish you for doing that!”

6. When a mom says – “Your room better be clean!”

She really means – “I know it looks bad, so please clean it before I see it and lose my mind!”

7. When a mom says – “Stop wasting water! Turn off the lights!”

She really means – “I wish you could pay the bill next month so you won’t forget!”

8. When a mom says – “Whose stuff is this?”

She really means – “I know exactly whose stuff this is, pick it up so I don’t have to get into an argument with you!”

9. When a mom says – “I’m not buying that!”

She really means – “I don’t want you to bring more junk in the house, it’s ridiculous and expensive, and the novelty will wear off by tomorrow!”

10. When a mom says – “Are you kidding me?”

She really means – “I’m going to close my eyes and this will all vanish. It’s a bad joke. I’m dreaming this mess happened again!”

11. When a mom says – “What are you doing?”

She really means – “I know exactly what you’re up to. I’m trying to act dumb so you stop doing it before it gets worse!”

12. When a mom says – “Because I said so!”

She really means – “I can’t be bothered with proper parenting at this minute, so I’m going to throw down my card and pull my rank on you instead!”

13. When a mom says – “Can we discuss this later?”

She really means – “Hopefully we won’t. Please forget it. I don’t want to get into it – maybe never!”

14. When a mom says – “We’ll see!”

She really means – “Never gonna happen kid!”

15. When a mom says –  “Where did you hear that from?”

She really means – “That’s offensive. Therefore you must have heard it from someone who does not live in this house. Please reveal your source so I can remove that person from your company!”

16. When a mom says – “Who taught you that?”

She really means – “It definitely couldn’t come from my innocent child. I will find the culprit and remove that person indefinitely!”

17. When a mom says – “Uh huh. Mm-hmm. I know.”

She really means – “I’m not listening to you right now. Seriously, how long can you talk about the same topic?”

18. When a mom says – “Ask your dad!”

She really means – “I’m using the chicken way out. I really don’t have the willpower to deal with this right now. Please see the head of the household.”

19. When a mom says – “I’m telling your father!”

She really means – “The formal way to threaten you. You better be scared, because I have no energy left to be scary!”

20. When a mom says – “You’re going to get hurt!”

She really means – “Why can’t you just sit nicely and be safe?”

21. When a mom says – “Are you listening to me?”

She really means – “I know you heard me. You better say yes!”

22. When a mom says – “We’re going to be late!”

She really means – “I’m already late, please don’t make me more late!”

23. When a mom says -“You don’t feel warm.”

She really means – “Are you really sick or too lazy to get out of bed and go to school you faker!”

24. When a mom says – “Have you done your homework?”

She really means – “The sight of you watching TV or playing on your device is making me think you’re going to amount to nothing and it will be my fault!”

25. When a mom says – “That’s interesting.”

She really means – “What the heck are you wearing child?”

26. When a mom says – “That’s different.”

She really means – “That’s just plain atrocious!”

27. When a mom says – “I’m not interested in who started it!”

She really means – “I stopped listening. Please don’t drag me into this!”

28. When a mom says – “Wherever you left it last!”

She really means – “No, I’m not going to help you find whatever you’re looking for. I know you didn’t move anything to find it!”

29. When a mom says – “Seriously?”

She really means – “This can’t be happening. It has to be some mistake!”

30. When a mom says – “Bedtime!”

She really means – “Thank God for bedtime! I’m totally out of patience. I have nothing left. Please sleep for at least eight hours so I can start fresh loving you all over again tomorrow!”

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Zakkiya
Founder, author, and designer of Muslimommy. Mom of six from seven to fifteen years of age. My quest is to remind mothers of the blessings of motherhood and provide simple methods to attain relief. My Love for Allah SWT and his beloved Prophet SAW inspire me to spread a peaceful message through the woes of parenthood. Forgive me for any error for only God is Perfect. My writing is a reminder to others, but mostly myself, about the temporary and difficult challenges of this world for an everlasting and beautiful hereafter. Insha'Allah may we meet there someday.
Zakkiya

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